The Truth of Contradiction
Psalms 40:1-17
Among the female Korean writers who enjoy enduring popularity, there are two who won the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature: Han Kang and Yang Gui-ja.
In particular, among Yang Gui-ja’s works, there is a novel titled “Contradiction” that has consistently gained popularity.
The plot can be briefly summarized as follows:
The protagonist, Ahn Jin-jin, was destined to live denying her own name because she was an Ahn, despite the character “Jin” (眞), meaning “truth,” appearing twice in the middle of her name.
Her mother lived a life almost identical to her aunt, who was born on April Fool’s Day and resembled her so much that they were indistinguishable. After growing up, the lives of the twin sisters diverged drastically following a wedding held on the exact same day.
The aunt appears to have possessed all the happiness in the world, while Ahn Jin-jin’s mother lives a life that seems to possess all the misfortunes. The contrasting lives of the twin sisters are reflected exactly in the lives of their children as well.
The While her aunt’s children embark on a glamorous journey of studying abroad in the U.S., Ahn Jin-jin barely manages to secure a job with the help of her uncle, and her younger brother Jin-mo is in and out of prison for violence—living a life path completely different from that of her cousins.
Ahn Jin-jin’s mother becomes busy once again, first looking after her son Jin-mo, and then caring for her father, who has returned home after a long absence as a dementia patient. The very elements that appear to be misfortunes to everyone actually make her live her life with “vigor.”
However, her aunt, who appeared happy to everyone, cannot bear the loneliness and takes her own life, leaving a suicide note asking the protagonist, Ahn Jin-jin, to take care of her. Yang Gwi-ja introduces the lives and deaths of the twin sisters through the theme of contradiction.
The author suggests that understanding contradictions allows us to truly understand our lives. She delves deeply into the contradictory truth that “behind happiness lies misfortune, and behind misfortune lies happiness.”
The reason we must deeply reflect upon the happiness and unhappiness we experience in our journey of faith, rather than simply dismissing them superficially, lies precisely in this truth of contradiction. Thus, David sings:
“His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)
“You have turned my sorrow into dancing; You have stripped me of my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” (Psalm 30:11)
There are bound to be ‘dark nights’ in our lives. There are times when we inevitably fall into wretched pits and mire. A ‘dark night’ is a time when we lose the light of God that was within us.
When the dark night arrives, it becomes like walking through a desert where one cannot even taste the flavor of prayer. Jesus, too, surely went through such a dark night. “Father, why have you forsaken me?”
Although Jesus was at a loss amidst that suffering, He did not abandon His faith in the Father. “Father, into your hands I commit my soul.” If I cannot do it myself, rather than struggling hard, I entrust it to Him and wait for it to pass.
We, too, sometimes encounter unexpected, pits of despair on our journey through life, and there are times when we suffer because we cannot escape from a mire. At such times, we place our hope in God, who pulls us up from the mire, and wait.
David confesses the same experience in this way: “I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined His ear to me and heard my cry” (Psalm 40:1).
This means that even if the answer was not immediate, he did not give up, but trusted in God’s timing and “prayed persistently.” “He lifted me up from the pit of despair and from the mire; He set my feet on solid rock and made my steps secure” (Psalm 40:2). The way to overcome difficult times is not to try to do something on our own, but simply to entrust it to His hands.
Amidst that suffering, Jesus did not give up. Psalm 40 is a psalm containing David’s gratitude for being saved after crying out from a pit of despair, and his supplication seeking God’s help amidst a renewed crisis. Its core lies in faith that waits patiently and relies solely on the Lord.
The “pit of despair and the mire” serve as a training ground for “waiting.” David pleads, “Though I am poor and needy, You remember me… O my God, do not delay” (Psalm 40:17).
The faith of “active waiting” stems from believing in “God’s reversal.” The cross and resurrection, the core of the gospel, represent a contradictory drama of God’s reversal. They symbolize God’s hidden grace that lifts us out of the mire.
To the people of the world, the cross is utterly foolish. Yet, for those who trust and believe in God, it becomes the power that brings about salvation—this is undeniably a contradiction.
Saying that suffering is beneficial to me is itself a contradiction. It is also a contradiction that the first become last and the last become first. It is also a contradiction to become small and serve in order to become great.
Loving those who cannot be loved, and forgiving those who cannot be forgiven, is also a logic of contradiction. Christianity is a faith bundled with contradictions. Accepting that truth of contradiction is waiting for God’s touch. Shalom!
O Heavenly Father,
I accept the truth of contradiction,
Waiting for God’s reversal,
Let me wait for His touch,
I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Translated by Jaewoong Chang
